My Odyssey to My Yoga Mat
Life is not always easy; many times we face obstacles that make it harder to achieve goals and to find ourselves.
Throughout my life I struggled personally figuring out who I am and denied myself the truth. I knew since I was little I was different- that I am an empath, a healer, and a light worker. I knew I wanted to save the world and heal people.
The thing is I was growing up in a time where I was not accepted for whom I was- and with that I began to have low self-esteem.
As I became older I began to go off my path so I could fit in with everyone else, a concept that truly horrifies me now. Due to this I became sick physically due to the stress. I felt I had to fit in the right way because society said so.
This pressure, I want to stress again, made me physically and emotionally sick- and helped exacerbate chronic conditions; but I felt I had to keep it going until the summer of 2015. That summer I began break down physically and emotionally due to physical ailments and my soul was truly raw. This made me sit back and look at the world I created for myself. I looked really hard and realized I was not happy at all. I decided to start searching deeper in myself; which began my odyssey back to my roots.
This odyssey was a rough one with many painful realizations, which all in the end led to major growth and healing. I began this journey by listening to a lot of music, going to festivals, and dancing. During this time I would hang out with friends who led me into some major spiritual conversations and helped be find my way back to some of my roots- including crystal healing, believing in the universe, and not second guessing my intuition/powers I have.
With this I began to crave more spirituality, which in the end brought me back on my yoga mat in December 2015.
Once I hit the mat I began to feel something I haven’t felt in a long time- my true self.
Yoga makes one go inward. In ashtanga your focusing on your breath in a physically intense moving mediation- you cannot think, “what should I have for breakfast?”
During a vinyasa flow class thinking about work while trying to do vrkasana (tree pose) does not end very well. In a yin class, if one’s monkey mind is going off the wall the positions are harder to hold for 3-5 minutes. In my practice I realized the pranayama helped me get through the challenges of asana as well as my mind chatter throughout my day.
My practice also made me begin to love myself even more. There are some days I can get into karnapidasana (deaf man’s pose) with no issues and then other days a modified 90 has me struggling.
In the past I would beat myself up emotionally over not being able to do the harder position and if I struggled in the modified version. That’s the thing though; in life some days are easier than others- same thing occurs with one’s yoga practice. Yoga teaches us to always be kind, especially to ourselves because in the end I know for myself I am my hardest critic- a concept you the reader may experience as well.
My odyssey that started in the summer of 2015 was truly painful but I am grateful for it because it brought me back to my yoga mat. A yoga practice truly does amazing things for one’s body, mind and soul. I stopped hiding my true self, and I am fully embracing it now. Some days are harder than others, but just like with the practice on the mat I am learning to be kinder to myself; and on those harder days I remind myself “this too shall pass”.