On our first day of yoga teacher training we were asked to write one word on a shape to be placed around the alter we made. This shape was to represent what we would want/outcomes from this training. Originally I went into teacher training to just explore myself, heal myself, and find more inner peace. So when I got this shape I originally wanted to write heal or peace… but something told me not to. My intuition told me to write balance; and I did. After looking at the shape I started to laugh inside due to my mom, who was the one who introduced me to yoga had a yoga company called On-Balance Yoga.
I truly was laughing because I know my teenage self would be rolling her eyes going, “you are becoming your mother” and I could not understand the concept at the time of balance. As I went through the training a lot of things began to happen to me. I really thought I was about to have a mental break down between stresses of work, my health, the intensity of training, and just from life in general. I had to make many hard choices during the last 3 months of my life but during this time I was exploring philosophies in yoga as well as my daily meditation; which kept me afloat- it kept me balanced. By the end of the training I realized and I knew from a young time as mentioned in a prior blog post my dharma in life is to heal/help others.
Sometimes though it is hard. On the last Tuesday of our meet up in the training we were asked about what is next and if we knew what our dharma was. We were then asked if anyone was not happy with their dharma, and I raised my hand almost in tears. Earlier that day I was working at my other job and it was a rough day. All my clients where suffering that day. One in particular was frustrated about how the health care system works, how Western medicine looks down on Eastern medicine/philosophies, and that no one they felt on their healthcare team was truly understanding what was going on. I felt their pain and I understood where they were coming from. Its days like that I wish I had a magic wand to help my clients move forward and over come all their obstacles. When the training was asked this question I truly had to admit at times it stinks knowing my dharma. It hurts but as I stated in the class I would not change it at all.
I know some days will be harder than others; but then there are moments that outshine all the negativity- it’s truly a balancing act. After that class I truly felt burnt out and emotional- a year of highs and lows is starting to come to an end, and now I am asking what is next? As I discussed these feelings with one of my soul buddies we started to realize to get our words/intentions out into the world we need to move stagnant energy around. This week we are purging…. Purging old self-thoughts, old habits, things that we do not need, and anything else that does not serve a higher purpose. While discussing this I realized me part taking in this theme is helping to bring balance into my life. My shape that stated my intention in the beginning of the class was coming full circle- so was the lessons my mom gave when I was introduced to yoga. We are coming to a time when life can get hectic.
We can forget the importance of balance due to the extreme emotions of the holiday times. Why not step back while all of this is going on and ask where can I add more balance in my life? Where can I clean out old energy to bring in new energy?
Where can I not just receive abundance but share it as well? Without balance our bodies, minds and souls flail around. This is a season of giving, but also giving to one’s self. Take time to give to others in need and to the people you love; but most of all take time for yourself. Give yourself permission to go late to a holiday party because you needed 1 hour on the yoga mat. Give yourself permission to sit down and meditate for 5 minutes before heading out to the crowded stores for holiday shopping. Find the balance between it all to make this season not just magical for others, but for yourself as well.